Do You Need Any Help?

Ok, something is bugging me. Surprise surprise, right? It's the over-helpfulness that certain retail outlets push out.

I went into Sainsburys the other evening for a couple of items, literally two things. 2 pints of milk and a loaf of bread so that I could have breakfast and make lunch the next day before work. I get to the till and what does the cashier ask? "Would you like any help with packing?" Now, granted if it's a parent with their kids and a weekly shop I could understand that question but when it's just one bloke and his beard there's really no need for it. And there's no way to answer it without sounding grumpy/ungrateful or sarcastic: "No" or "I'm fine, thanks."

Popped into Halfords (bastards, bastards, bastards) this morning as one of my stoplights is out and I wanted to get the bulb while I remembered. Get to the till and what do they ask? "Would you like that fitted for you?" What??!!! Yeah sure charge me a tenner to fit a £2 bulb. Granted I did look a bit... disoreantated but it was early (half tenish) on a Sunday morning, I was tired, there were a LOT of noisy kids upstairs playing with bikes and the stereo was blasting out r'n'b from the audio department so I wouldn't exactly be looking alert or thrilled if it were any other time of day.

Go to HMV, take a CD to the counter and they ask "is there anything else you wanted?" What??!! Why??!! Do they think that, well, yes I actually wanted another couple of albums but couldn't be bothered with bringing them up here so I'd like you to show your great degree of customer service by going and getting them for me. In fact, while you're asking I'd like Penelope Cruz, a private yact in a tropical ocean and a tub of squirty cream - all one situation mind.

These aren't just isolated instances. My point is that, yes, it is nice that you offer good customer service but when you offer it constantly when it is CLEARLY not needed it becomes redundant and seems 100% insincere and when somebody does need you to go out of the way it no longer seems like you're giving something special in the way of service more over that you're just doing something you didn't expect to be taken up on. Perhaps it's incase each customer is the dreaded Mystery Shopper and you don't wanna be losing points because you couldn't be bothered to smile (though that seems to have gone out of the window and been replaced with a somewhat begrudging "is there anything else we can do for you today?" yeah: fuck off) so they go over the top. Surely, though, the mystery shopper is unlikely to just be buying a pack of socks while texting on his mobile? Use your common sense! Seriously, much more of this forced politeness - which never comes across as genuine - and I may just start going back on my morals and using the automatic tills.

In other news, I regret to announce that I recently destroyed Legs' homes on my wing mirror at the jet wash. After a week of despair and guilt I was thrilled when I headed out to my car yesterday to find that he/she had built a spectacular web in place of the others and is obviously a waterproof arachnid. Long live Legs