I'm moving

Not physical me, only this me here. I'm moving to a new blog server. I'm hoping to be able to shift all of these blogs over with me like so many boxes in a transit van.
The new blog will look a lot prettier and have a lot more 'tools' to play with in the spirit of 2.0

I've...

Decided - not to trim my beard back anymore until next year. Lets see how big I can stand to let it get.

Lost - my My Morning Jacket tee shirt. This is bad news, it means a lot to me and is my favourite item of clothing

Sunday... again

Ugh.. it's impossible to enjoy an empty sunday when you're tired and the shadow of working tomorrow swings over your day like a dark cloud.

Am I the only one who see's those Motorway matrix signs that announce the distance and expected time to a junction as a challenge? I see the sign reading "To J9 Ashford 20 minutes" and it's a dark and clear motorway I can't seem to stop my right foot dropping down heavier on the gas pedal in an attempt to do it in 15.

I'm also curious why I can't help but picture John Travolta getting shot when Pop Tarts are mentioned.

In one of those rediscovering an old album moments I listend to R.E.M's New Adventures In Hi-Fi today. One of the songs had popped up on one of those old tape compilations I dug up a while ago. I hadn't listened to R.E.M in ages.. nothing that really appealed anymore. That being said New Adventures has always been my favourite thing they did and it gets a lot of respect from me. Here was a band still coming down from Automatic For The People who changed their sound for Monster and saw diminshed sales and rather than just go back and write another Automtic they made their bravest album to date sonically having just been given a huge pay day from Warner Bros for signing. There must've been a huge amount of pressure to produce another Losing My Religion but they stuck to their guns. Got to respect that even if you don't like the band.

While hunting for videos of songs from New Adventures I found this instead... good ol' Mr Vedder

Covers Up and Wrap Up

Wrap Up: it's cold - I have a cold.

Amusingly timed adverts: Two excruciatingly painful ads for the Beckham fragrances (ugh don't even get me started) followed by a black screen and the words "The dangers of acid erosion." A ha ha ha

Covers Up: Ok, there's a blog I read religiously and have raved about its genius before. The Berkeley Place blog is great for an all consuming music adorer like myself. Or like myself wants to be. Anyway a recent post on said blog sent out the requests for opinions on the Best Covers of the Century... so far. Great covers made after Jan 1st 2000. Of course, being the music lover I want to be and the madman of lists I spent little time finalising mine having already aquired a "Great Covers" section in my mental jukebox.

Whilst I seem to be having trouble submitting my list as a comment on the Berkeley blog I'm gonna put it here. Feel free to criticise, praise or add. Please. I'm desperate and ill, amuse me!!

1. Rocket Man (Elton John) - My Morning Jacket
2. Such Great Heights (Postal Service) - Iron & Wine
3. Against All Odds (Phil Collins) - Postal Service
4. Everyday (Buddy Holly) - Rogue Wave
5. Trouble (Cat Stevens) - Elliott Smith
6. Wicked Game (Chris Isaak) - Giant Drag
7. Devil Town (Daniel Johnston) - Bright Eyes
8. Ocean Breathes Salty (Modest Mouse) - Sun Kil Moon
9. State Trooper (Bruce Springsteen) - Arcade Fire
10. Love Rein O'er Me (The Who) - Pearl Jam

Go ahead and check em out if you don't believe me. If I knew how I'd post MP3s or links to MP3s here. But I don't. Instead have a look at these. The first is a short film thing set to My Morning Jacket's cover of Rocket Man (which also featured in Californication).



Against All Odds, The Postal Service:




Trouble, Elliott Smith. No visual so just listen and miss him.

Sunday, bloody Sunday

Why do they make Cliff Richard calendars? Surely all his fans are either too out of it to know what day it is, let alone month or year or living in the past? Come to think of it, why is there such an array of calenders? Why look at the same picture every day for a whole month, surely there's no way you can love something so much. Like Porsches? Want to look at the same picture of one for 31 days then, next month look at another for 30? It's not like you don't know what's coming either as everyone flips through the entire wealth of 12 pictures when they first get it. In fact, they look at the pictures on the back before they buy it or even open the shrink wrap. I've lost count of the number of calendars I've looked at out of idle boredom this year alone and not one of them contained an image so beguiling or stunning that I'd need a whole month to take it in or appreciate it.

That being said, I haven't seen any Penelope Cruz calenders yet... Quite a rant, nonetheless. My cynical and bitter mood may just be down to lack of sleep and yummy cake. I did have an active thursday evening and friday day.. A perfect day followed by two hours in traffic on the m25. Arghh poxy Dartford crossings. Either that or it could just be down to the stupid excess of marketing - everything has a calender.

A great weekend for BrokenOrchestra with a new song recorded and mixed after I spent the week entirely unhappy with my guitar part when we laid it down last week. Plus we managed a little festive ditty today that sounds like a dirty jam with Jingle Bells being violated by a fuzzy guitar. C'est Rock n Roll!

I'm a little concerned that I seem to have become addicted to playing random strangers at scrabble on facebook. This can't be a good thing. Can it? Still, healthier than crack and cheaper too.

Do You Need Any Help?

Ok, something is bugging me. Surprise surprise, right? It's the over-helpfulness that certain retail outlets push out.

I went into Sainsburys the other evening for a couple of items, literally two things. 2 pints of milk and a loaf of bread so that I could have breakfast and make lunch the next day before work. I get to the till and what does the cashier ask? "Would you like any help with packing?" Now, granted if it's a parent with their kids and a weekly shop I could understand that question but when it's just one bloke and his beard there's really no need for it. And there's no way to answer it without sounding grumpy/ungrateful or sarcastic: "No" or "I'm fine, thanks."

Popped into Halfords (bastards, bastards, bastards) this morning as one of my stoplights is out and I wanted to get the bulb while I remembered. Get to the till and what do they ask? "Would you like that fitted for you?" What??!!! Yeah sure charge me a tenner to fit a £2 bulb. Granted I did look a bit... disoreantated but it was early (half tenish) on a Sunday morning, I was tired, there were a LOT of noisy kids upstairs playing with bikes and the stereo was blasting out r'n'b from the audio department so I wouldn't exactly be looking alert or thrilled if it were any other time of day.

Go to HMV, take a CD to the counter and they ask "is there anything else you wanted?" What??!! Why??!! Do they think that, well, yes I actually wanted another couple of albums but couldn't be bothered with bringing them up here so I'd like you to show your great degree of customer service by going and getting them for me. In fact, while you're asking I'd like Penelope Cruz, a private yact in a tropical ocean and a tub of squirty cream - all one situation mind.

These aren't just isolated instances. My point is that, yes, it is nice that you offer good customer service but when you offer it constantly when it is CLEARLY not needed it becomes redundant and seems 100% insincere and when somebody does need you to go out of the way it no longer seems like you're giving something special in the way of service more over that you're just doing something you didn't expect to be taken up on. Perhaps it's incase each customer is the dreaded Mystery Shopper and you don't wanna be losing points because you couldn't be bothered to smile (though that seems to have gone out of the window and been replaced with a somewhat begrudging "is there anything else we can do for you today?" yeah: fuck off) so they go over the top. Surely, though, the mystery shopper is unlikely to just be buying a pack of socks while texting on his mobile? Use your common sense! Seriously, much more of this forced politeness - which never comes across as genuine - and I may just start going back on my morals and using the automatic tills.

In other news, I regret to announce that I recently destroyed Legs' homes on my wing mirror at the jet wash. After a week of despair and guilt I was thrilled when I headed out to my car yesterday to find that he/she had built a spectacular web in place of the others and is obviously a waterproof arachnid. Long live Legs

Nero has soft jazz, 'Bucks have Jeff

I was in HMV today - yeah, unusual, I know - and I saw this kid who could only have been 10 at the most, he was about 4 foot nothing with this huge mop of curly blonde hair and he excitedly grabbed a Megadeath boxset from the metal section and proceeded to tell his mum how "Megadeath rule." Surely I can't be the only one who finds it weird for kids so young to be browsing the metal section? I only know two things about said band, one that they were on the Last Action Hero (hugely underrated film) soundtrack and that the singer was in Metallica. Oh, and they really don't rule, sorry kid.

As much as I hate the idea of record stores vanishing I still hunt more online for cd's simply because of the range of choice and lower prices - I still buy CD's not digital, I like to have something tangible. Thanks to another price cut at my usual source I've been able to get hold of Thurston Moore's first solo outing and the Youth's Sonic Nurse (usually £16 even at Play) for a fiver a piece. Bonus.

In an effort to reduce the amount of my life that's still in storage I recently removed a few boxes of stuff from the storage depot and one of the boxes was full of cassettes that I'd made, the good ol' mix tapes. Now, bearing in mind that I've had a CD player in my car for the last 4 years these tapes go back a way. It's strange to listen to them and be surprised as each track arrives and you think "Jesus, what was I thinking putting this on here." The amusement of finding Teenage Kicks following All My Life. I don't think I'd heard a single Sonic Youth song back then.

Now, it may be strange but I find the music in the background important when drinking a coffee. Starbucks in Ashford isn't usually the best place and Nero's tends to be soft jazz, no bad thing. Yet. Starbucks in Lakeside the other day were playing the new Rilo Kiley album and the Canterbury branch on my visit last week were playing Jeff Buckley. Not Grace either, the even less likely Sketches for My Sweetheart The Drunk. Perfect music for sippin the GB latte.

There's not a lot going on this week aside from my ever growing loathing of work. Not my job, just working and sacrificing my time to do so. I need to find that magic Get Out Of Jail Free card.

I sat and watched Eddie Murphy's Raw last night and spent a lot of time trying to stop from covering my pants with urine. Always made me laugh but on seeing the sketch below I wondered two things: has Paul McCartney seen this lately and how many divorces and payouts has Eddie had now? How times change, from Raw and 48 Hours to... The Klumps and Daddy Day Care.


Whilst browsing youtube for vids of Jeff Buckley (all embedding disabled but look up Everybody Here Wants You for a great song) and the above EM clip I was surprised to find a fair few Last Days of April videos including the one at the end. One of my favourite bands who I urge people to listen to. In the meantime I'm struggling not to turn this blog into a forum for my own bad observational comedy having recently bought and almost consumed Seasons 1,2 & 3 of Seinfeld. Perfect television show. That reminds me, can't wait for the next Californication.



Bon Soir

Little Red Courgette

Charity shops: not something I've really ventured into before but have recently become a good source for CD hunting. I obtained Iron and Wine's The Creek Drank the Cradle and Tori Amos' Strange Little Girls for a mere two quid each along with an old RATM single in PDSA of all places. Not that you'd associate Rage with animal cruelty it just seemed like an odd place to find it to me.

Iron and Wine... I've been really getting into them lately. I've had Our Endless Numbered Days for a while now and loved it and got given the new album, The Shepherd's Dog, for my birthday. On my fruitful trip to Canterbury during the week I managed to pick up two more EP's and the charity shop purchase means I have a lot more to listen to. Sam Beam is a musical great.

Briefly on the subject of music: Friday was an amazingly creative day for BrokenOrchestra. I'll leave it at that for today. Stereophonics seem to have become the most boring band in the world.

I've been doing a lot of driving on motorways at night this last week or so. This means I've been privvy to a lot of free firework displays as I skirt around the tarmaced edges of cities and towns in the dark. Especially the big city itself. I like London at night, driving over the Dartford bridge and looking across at all the lights is nice, nicer than during the day when I just think about how much of a shame it is that the river is barely used these days. That the M25 is lit at night makes me think two things; firstly that it must be a large electrical bill and secondly that the road serves as a dayglow belt around an overweight, bloated and gassy fat man heaving it's way to a heart attack. Not that I dislike London, a few areas I really like. A few.

My new(ish) car eats up the motorway miles like they're nothing but there's two signs that I'm almost home that I love to see. The first is Aylesford Newsprint. I've been on the tour there a long time ago and it's an awe inspiring place inside but seeing the outside and condensation steam rising from the towers lets me know that I'm about 15-20 minutes away. The other is a white house. Just as you come round a bend there's a white house that I guess is down Sandyhurst Lane but as it comes into view it's directly opposite the sign for my junction. A welcome sight after a long journey.

I had a Gingerbread Latte yesterday!! As much as I hate the earlier and earlier build up to Christmas - mainly as it intrudes upon my birthday - I do love the Starbucks festive drinks. Just wish they'd bring back that cinamon dolce thing they did. Also wish I could spell that word...

Argh, gotta go back to work tomorrow.. I need to clear that writers block and maybe then I can get around to finishing a book. I used to have so many ideas and now I haven't written a word since it turned out my last one was bearing a bizarre similarity in it's beginnings to Twin Peaks - which I'd never seen before. Or a job where I can work from home occasionally. I like drinking coffee during the day outside of the office.

Shaitans

This is my week off.. no early starts that I don't want, no staring at a Mac all day waiting for some news to inspire me to write about it.. etc

Oh, yeah and Sunday was my birthday. It went very well. A lot better than the disaster that was last years. Some superb gifts of music and vision which I may or may not rant on about later when I've digested them fully. Gripping eh?

So today is my only full day break from the labour of love that I call BrokenOrchestra. We've got a track down and more to go with decisions being made about the.. what's the word? this is what happens when you stop writing... actualisation(?) of the 2 exciting developments recently mentioned.

What else? Oh yes: the woman in the Corsa ad can borrow my car anytime. Or anything else she wants for that matter. Yum. Especially if she knows Penelope Cruz....

Reading the Koran and understanding the Koran are two completely different things.

With a further two episodes under my belt Californication is still the best thing on TV.

That the postman now comes to my house at 12:45 is retarded. Absolutely fucking retarded. What are they running: a business (evidently not) or a joke (so it seems)??

Having an obese and unattractive man hold a sign for Subway with a big arrow is not an effective way to entice people to buy a foot long Italian BLT. If that's the outcome I'll stick to me salad and water - which is going well, thanks.

I really don't want to go back to working in an office everyday. I shall have to overcome my block and write a novel.

There was more but.. I've forgotten

bon noir

Less than a week to go

Not much for this one just the realisation that I failed to mention the upshot of the whole Rogue Wave thing. No, I'm not currently enjoying it, nor can I rave about how great a masterpiece it is or that it is heading into my 2007 Top 5. Unfortunately it's still not available here. But now I know why thanks to an answer I got from messaging their myspace page - check it out and have a listen to some quality songs.

The problem is this: "we're in the process of trying to secure a record deal in europe. we were hoping it would be done well before the record was released in the US, but it has taken longer than we thought.
it will be out soon there, we hope..." Ah, not a lot to be done then except maybe wait until after the birthday and try ordering it direct. I must have this album!!

In other news people are downstairs eating ice cream and it's really not fair. I have behaved extremely well today. My lunch seemed megre but I didn't eat more. I didn't go to the sandwhich man for cake or crisps. I didn't buy a bar of chocolate from the machine in the afternoon either. I will stick to it this time!

Ducks on the horizon

Well today was another Musical Sunday as it were so it's gonna be bloody hard not to mention music - though no cheesecake.

A pretty good musical adventure today, another tune recorded after losing the background for another and trying to find it found another groove altogether. Thankfully it will give me more time to work on my part for the first track we tried and develop it more for the big recording week for which I've already been writing my left wrist off for. Should be good. There's work to be done though... we're aiming for more tracks than an EP's worth and a little festive track is in the works too. There's also two EXCEPTIONALLY EXCITING bits of news that I really want to but can't blog about until it's happened, I really don't wanna jinx it. Let's just say one of them would be a start with something I've always wanted to do and the second would be a HuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUge bonus for BrokenOrchestra. Well, they both would which is why they're so exciting.

The diet, exercise is going ok still. Last night I turned down the offer of a pizza. Today I have even snaked on a tangerine - which, as anyone who knows me will atest - is quite a shocker. The only problem is I can smell a roast being cooked downstairs and I'm gonna have to work hard to restrain from eating two portions. A quick jump on the scales last night proved it wasn't as bad as I was expecting: an even 14 stone which should offer a good starting point measuring wise. I've even bought a box of those nutrigrain bars to replace the kit kats. Or the newly returned Wispa.

One thing I've started missing lately is the anticipation of a new Calvin and Hobbes treasury. It's been 10 years now I think since Mr Watterson put the characters in the draw and I really do miss the eagerness with which I'd open It's A Magical World, There's Treasure Everywhere etc. Perhaps it's the approach of my birthday which would usually be followed by using a gift voucher to buy one of the books. Perhaps it's just the lack of amusement in other comic strips. Not that I'm an avid follower of the 'funny pages' I tend to look at these things on line and of all those I've seen lately only Zits is any good and comes with the full Tonus Thumbs Up. Which not everything gets. Penelope Cruz gets the Tonus Three Thumbs Up but that's another story... The only problem with the online Zits now is that it only goes back a week and I realise now that I've missed almost a years worth.

One thing that's been grinding my gears ("You! Fuck you America!") for a while and recently resurfaced today thanks to a bit of lousy programming on MTV2 is this: The View's "Same Jeans" (horibble, horrible, horrible, cut my fucking ears off and chew on them detestable, horrible, horrible song) sounds exactly like this:



Boy, that's a blast from the past eh? Here's another, better, one:


Goodnight and look out for those trains Joe

That time..

A quick glance of my recent blogs gets me thinking I should change the name of this place to Cheesecakes and Music - or something a little more origninal - as anyone would think that's all my life revolves around, so I'm going to make this post free from those two subjects. Fingers crossed, here goes...

I love this time of year. The colours on the trees are so much more attractive and I feel so much more at ease in my own skin with that gentle winter nip in the air. Yesterday I actually had to scrape the ice off my windsheild before work while wrapped warmly in my scarf. Perfect.

There's another reason I'm not gonna be mentioning that certain food type: I'm off them. And fatty foods in general. I'm trying to shift a bit of weight and return to some semblance of fitness that my buggerred back (of recent times) and anti-depressant induced lethargy have stopped me from doing so. So I spent yesterday snacking on some rather juicy grapes rather than chocolate and reduced my normal lunch time feast to a normal meal. The exercise also began in earnest this week. I can't reach 27 and wobble when I laugh.

Not a great deal has happened this week. Went up and down to Richmond for a meeting with the company's PR agency. It's a lovely leafy area - really nice infact. Reminded me of Chislehurst. Not too far from the City but far enough to be quiet and green - somewhere I'd happily live if property prices were a little more friendly and less extortionate. Urgh - I must be getting older if I'm thinking like that.

I'm so thrilled to have my car working perfectly again having got the exhaust fixed a few weeks back it's so nice to be able to open the window or door when the motors running and not hear a tractor. I've had many cars (especially the Rover) where there's been a lot of things that niggle me about them and it's so nice now not to have a single thing, to look forward to driving it and for it to not feel like a journey at all.

Sat up late watching a film last night. Having blazed through Family Guy series 6 I suddenly got a real hankering to watch High Fidelity. Unfortunately I don't own it. Thankfully Grosse Point Blank was on television so I watched that. Something else on television that I can't speak highly enough of is Californication, though it's on Five so I don't get to watch it 'live' as it were with my megre 4 terrestial chanels. David Duchoveny brings a lot of charisma to a great part with some excellent lines on a show which is so far from the usual American sitcoms it's near perfect.

Ho hum, things to do. See you tomorrow, dear diary

Out by the gas fires of the refinery

Today I reverted back to the white and dark chocolate cheesecake with my coffee. It's a wonder I'm not a blimp given my diet.

Had a superb BrokenOrchestra session today and got a song down off the cuff as it were. We're even writing lyrics for this one!

The spider on my wing mirror has built a second web that runs behind the other, like double glazed webbing. I feel I should give it a name but I don't know the gender so for now I'll just call it Legs.

As much as I detest the earliness with which supermarkets get the Christmas stuff out on display I have to admit I love the smell of the seasonal section at Sainsburys. I could sniff that aisle all day.

This not buying cd's ahead of a birthday is annoying. There's a lot I want and more coming out but I've just had to put them on a list and try and be patient and hope. But there's so much new stuff I want to hear now. For that reason I want my birthday to hurry up and get here, that and the week off after. For many other reasons I don't want it here at all. Bah.

She's wrapped up in caffeine

Today I eschewed my usual visit to the 'Buck for a brew and a cinamon swirl and replaced it with a visit to Nero for a caramel thing and a slice of tiramasu. For two reasons: the 'Buck has stopped doing the great cinamon drink it once did and it's still way too early for the gingerbread latte and second because I was over at the Outlet anyway with Ryan. The tiramasu thing was superb though and may even replace my usual slice of white and dark cheesecake from there.

Round at my Dad's today to install my old CD player in his car. Wire it up and I suggest that he'll need a CD to test it when music starts playing from it - my Asides from Buffalo Tom cd that I thought I'd lost! While I've got most of their albums anyway now (including the recently raved about Three Easy Pieces) I was still thrilled to find it again - it's one of my favourites. I bought it on the back of Tailights Fade and loved every track on it. Unlike many Best Ofs the sequencing is done by mood rather than chronology so it flows like an album. A fucking great album infact. Although it would be perfect if it included Staples, for that you'll need to get Let Me Come Over. Though that's another amazing album. I might just have to order me a copy of Smitten next.

On the subject, once again, of music I heard the new Radiohead album In Rainbows yesterday. They took the brave step of offering it up in its entirety for download (as they had no label) for whatever price people wanted to pay for it. The person who had it on their i-tunes at work paid 50p which I thought a little cheeky. It is, frankly, amazing. A beautiful album that erases the memory of Hail To The Theif and would work perfectly as the end of the trilogy after Kid A and Amnesiac. I think I'll wait though until the physical version drops in December if only for the sake of the higher sound quality.

Still no joy finding the new Rogue Wave album yet. Ugh. I may end up just going to the label site and giving up my sulk with them. Morons.

Musical Sunday tomorrow which means the first BrokenOrchestra session in a couple of weeks which should help with the songs I'm working on. Like sex: it's not so great when it's just you. Back to the mighty Buffalo...

There is

There's a spider that lives on my car.
He has a web between my wing mirror and door.

He's survived the jetwash and motorway
and there's a new web there everyday.

He's seen a fair few miles lately
I'm tempted to take him further
but his holiday snaps would suck.

This, then

I'm stuffed. So stuffed I couldn't even manage a wafer thin mint. I had a curry on thursday night with Dan to discuss the idea of BrokenOrchestra doing a soundtrack and to generally make use of the County's Curry Night prices and last night engulfed myself in huge portions of fine food on a team night out for work. If I don't slow down now I'm gonna be blimp sized by my birthday.

Whilst in the County, Dan and I decided to text AQA (the ask any question text service) a funny question. Usually our attempts at wit are rebuffed with the standard "AQA cannot make any comments abouta persons sexuality", "AQA cannot answer and racist comments" etc, but this time we got a human response. To the question "is Bono Jesus reincarnate or just a prick?" AQA responded: "Bono is not Jesus, nor is he a prick. But he is close. AQA thinks he should stop trying to save the world and go back to being a musician."

Finally got around to getting my exhaust fixed this morning. And got my hair cut too. Short and tidy for a change. I feel foreign. There's more to say but I'm still feeling severely tired and lethargic.

Legal Maths

Maths / Equations....

I am not condoning any of these crimes. Never will. Merely pointing out some inequalities

Michael Jackson: "legend" = innocent
Gary Glitter: "has-been" = guilty

Pete Townshend: "legend" = innocent
Chris Langham: "who? not so well known" = guilty

Phil Spector: "legend" = oops, mis-trail.


Also, Pete "Kiddie Porn Downloading, Arrogant Twat" Townshend claimed to be downloading and hoarding child pornography for research for a book he was working on. Where is this book? Or project? Surely it can't have been The Who's Wire and Glass... you need to look at naked children now to make a shit album??

Langham claimed to also be downloading the stuff for researching an upcoming character. Nobody else knew about the character. Oh dear. Actually, you didn't write "My Generation," oh dear Chris. Nor do you spin your arm around like a twat pretending to be a windmill, big oops Mr Langham. Jail for him though.

Grizzly Adams DID have a beard

Things have been a bit slow of late. I had thought of something I wanted to blog about but have promplty forgotten about it.

This week seems to have bounced past in a haze of man-flu, white and dark chocolate cheesecake and new cds. I've still yet to find anywhere that carries the new Rogue Wave album. I might be forced to illegally download it if that's what the stupid people at Brushfire Records seem to want.

Not quite worth the build up I may have been guilty of giving is the new Foo's album Echoes, Patience.. While it's bloody good it's still not as good as The Colour and The Shape. That being said its a lot better and more consistent than any album they've done since. There's more diversity in the sound than before (even more than In Your Honour displayed) and whilst I agree with Dave Grohl's sentiment of not being scared of the piano ballad I think that one is more than enough for the album. Still, compared to a lot of other stuff it stands up pretty well.

However, this week I have got the new albums by Buffalo Tom and Thurston Moore - both superb in their own genre. I was so happy when I read that B.T had got back together and Three Easy Pieces was well worth the wait. Buffalo Tom are one of those bands that came out of the whole college-rock scene but unlike many of their contempories they weren't afraid of wearing their influences proudly - even citing Aerosmith in the linears of their A-Sides compiliation - at a time when every other band was fighting to sound fuzzy and Seattle-like. I don't care, they made great music and this new album shows that they got back together for the only right reason - they still had a lot of great music to write together. Long live Buffalo Tom.

I read somewhere that Biffy Clyro aren't going to be playing Folding Stars at anymore of their live shows. Not something I'm gonna lose sleep other but the principal is a bit moronic. Why write a song and then get all prissy about people wanting to hear it. If you didn't want people to like it, buy it and want to hear it then why write it and why put it on the album. The same goes, dare I say it, for Smells Like Teen Spirit or Nevermind. All those purists who say its weak or commercial.. SoFuckingWhat??? If Kurt hadn't liked it he wouldn't have written it. But you know what? He did. Oops. I love Nirvana, absolutely adore the music they made and while Smells.. isn't my favourite song I'm not gonna criticise someone who says it's theirs. Know why? Because its music. You like it or you don't, there's no need to get prissy about it.

Oh, I also got the last Yeah Yeah Yeahs album at a bargain price and picked up Pavement's Brighten The Corners for £3 - both adding to what has been a superb bumper boost to my CD collection. Oh and Happy Gilmore on DVD for £2. Just tap it in... though, at the moment, I've god Fred Jones Pt 2 by Ben Folds on repeat. Beautiful.



See

Hulk SMASH

Oh the unfairness of it all.

Last year I got turned on to a new-ish band called Rogue Wave and quickly purchased their two albums - and they were on SubPop: bonus. Then news reaches me that they have signed to Brushfire records and have a new one due soon. I got so excited I posted about it recently and even stuck up a video.

Today I was looking something unrelated up and found that the new Rogue Wave album was released this week. Only according to my normal online shops for cd's - play and hmv - it doesn't even exist. No listing at all, not even in the up-coming releases. Yet they have listings for the soon to be released Band of Horses. Weird. Only amazon had a listing and they wanted £15 and two-three weeks for delivery. What?! So, I check the band site and myspace pages and the labels site - all of which state that the album dropped on the 18th. Apparently it's available on i-tunes too. Wait... no, it's not. It's only available on the U.S i-tunes. Same story for the Eddie Vedder solo record which, a quick search reveals has a later UK release to the the U.S... perhaps this is the case with the Rogue Wave album. But.. why??? It makes no sense. And why don't the sites give this information or are they just assuming nobody in the U.K buys Rogue Wave albums. Pretty fucking stupid approach if you ask me.

In other news I attended half a gig last night. I saw the first band and then watched Scott do his breakcore/dance/laptop-electro experiment infront of a room full of hardcore bands and scene kids and left. Instead I went home seeking inspiration and watched my DVD of A Film about Jimi Hendrix. Suitably inspired I spent a joyous hour playing my guitar through headphones and fuzzy distortion - though I didn't use my teeth at any point - and have spent the morning listening to the three ..Experience albums while working. Oh, and getting frustrated over the whole Rogue Wave thing...

I can hear Pink Floyd through the floorboards

A quick one. Following up on my list of annoying adverts. This one is perfect:



Nothing to do with chocolate. Everything to do with being the best advert in the world.

"There are some who call me... Tim" or Running To Stand Still

Ah bless Monty Python.. always a good way to alleviate a lousy day at the office.

Work in itself wasn't horrendous. To be fair I didn't spend all day at my desk pouring over the lack of news to write about. Instead I spent the majority of my day taking photos of the days events. It was one of those corporate fun day things along the lines of "I'm a Celebrity.." so lots of shots of gunge, gross out events, people eating pigs testicles and hydrated scorpions. 189 photos taken to be exact.

I think what's really getting me down at work is my lack of time off. I've taken about 7 or 8 days of my annual leave but only as single days. I haven't enjoyed a whole week of yet this year. To make it worse that damned Vodafone advert played just before I left for work this morning. The one where the guy keeps trying to meet his girlfriend but everytime he walks in the door he finds himself back at the office. The idea being that work steals all the time for those important moments. I thnk they're right.

This feeling has also timed itself with my desire to push the Orchestra forward and fast. I'm thinking I should take a week off work and get my fellow orchestrators to do the same and spend the week writing and recording. There's enough tunes and ideas now for an e.p at least and I don't want to be sat at my Mac much longer while work continues to steal the best moments from me without my permission.

In other news I ate too much at the BBQ work put on today. I feel I abused it by visiting for burgers twice.

Ah yes, some call me.... Tim:

(Dr) Who Really Cares, Moz?

Bleurgh. Surely I cannot be the only one who detests Dr Who? It's a stupid, ridiculous programme that somehow keeps getting made and keeps getting praised. Some smug looking timelord, cheap BBC "can barely see the strings" style effects, 'aliens' that look like nothing more than actors in cheap suits and some of the worst script writing since Elderado. How is this allowed to happen??!!

I never liked it as a kid either, grew up without any real knowledge or interest in it except to know what it was and that first Knock-Knock joke everybody learns. I've even tried to 'get it' too - my little brother is a big fan and so it's always on at my Dad's house yet still... leaves me looking for somewhere to sleep or a decent storyline. Don't get me wrong: I have nothing against the sci-fi thing. I still think Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep is an amazing piece of work and I still keep up to date with latest Discworld stories. But seriously, Dr Who is a complete pile of it.

Some opinions and tastes do change. I'm almost scared to admit it but lately I've started to appreciate Morrissey. Not as a person, I still think he's a tosser, but his music. I never used to see the attraction of the Smiths. I used to think that it was some stunning music that was great until old misery Moz started moaning over the top. So what changed? I haven't suddenly started to long for the 80's, don't worry. No. I was ambushed. When I got my new car I suddenly found myself driving with a cassette player instead of a cd player and not owning an cassettes (I've had a CD player in my car for the last 7 years). In a similar twist Dan found himself in a car with a CD player and a shite load of cassette comps that he didn't need and passes a couple on to me which I'm still wearing down through lack of making my own.

Armed with these tapes I drove down to Brighton for the wedding and there was one song that I really liked and rewound to listen to and turned up when it'd come around. Not knowing what it was I repeated one of the lines from it - "take people from Pittsburgh, Pensylvania but spare me" - to Dan in the hope that he'd inform me of some new and obscure artist. No, it was a track called On The Streets I Ran from the miserable bastards latest opus Ringleader of the Tormentors - a cd Ryan had offered to give me for free as he'd been gifted it somehow and had no interest. Needless to say I took him up on the offer and, annoyingly, liked it.

Dan sideswipped me again recently with a new compilation he made me. He put another Morrissey song on there - This World Is Full of Crashing Bores - that I again really liked then he gifted me the Morrissey album You Are The Quarry which again, I enjoyed. Damn it. I still think he's a tosser as a person though.

Gizmo - The Search Begins

Ok, today I found something I strongly desire for the music maker in me.

For the last week or so my Dad and I have been having discussions about guitarists after he gave me a run down of his top 5 or so (I think High Fidelity caused everyone to have Top 5's). His list featured the likes of David Gilmour, Nils Lofgren (which surprised me as I wasn't expecting my Dad to even know the name), Mark Knopfler, Clapton and afew others I forget and, after my prompting of the name, Mr Hendrix. All fine guitarists - though I don't stand much for Clapton - especially Lofgren and Knopfler who I feel is somewhat overlooked. We all know my affection for Hendrix borders on the distrubing.

Being of the current experimental and explorative bent that I am with guitars I've been thinking of a list of my own, those who are innovative with it. Those few players who make you pay attention to a song and think "how the feck did he get it to sound like that?!" So my list also features Mr Gilmour for his playing was one of the first to make me realise guitars didn't have to sound like they did for Bryan Adams when I heard Dark Side of The Moon at 13. Tom Morrello is also in there is are Messrs Moore and Ronaldo. Obviously.

Anywho, this has been a matter of frequent conversation between us. Today is my Dad's birthday and I sprung for an Indian to celebrate. On the way into town to collect it the conversation again drifts to guitar playing thanks to some God-awful song on the radio. I go back to explaining what I'm listening for in guitars these days and start talking about my own experimentation with Prepared Guitars and using a screw driver to form a third bridge guitar. Not playing the instrument but having seen a lot of shows etc in his time my Dad isn't too bad on his knowledge and nods his head and mentions that he remembers seeing 10cc - of "I'm Not In Love" fame - and the guitarist inventing something to give a good sound. He said it was something they invented called the Gizmo. Intrigued and full of Korma I check it out online whilst multi-tasking in Second Life. He was right.

Unable to afford an orchestra for their early albums they invented this device that would make the guitar sound like a string section. The Gizmo strapped onto the bridge of the guitar. and the right hand would press Gizmo keys to "bow" the strings, and the left could wander the fretboard. They also discovered it could be used for other noises including brass, percussion, and weird sound effects. I'm gonna have to rummage my Dads cd's for an example or find my copy of Led Zep's In Through The Out Door which features it.

This device sounds amazing and like I could have a whole lot of fun with it, problem is the company that made it went bankrupt so its not exactly something that crops up on e-bay like the Thermin I'm after. But look at this. I'm now determined to hunt one of these puppies down. Will certainly find a home in the BrokenOrchestra.

I've also been informed that I have to check out this thing called Lastfm.com? any ideas anyone? Today I found an amazing blog whilst surfing at the office which is just a brilliant source of information and downloads of indie (in the true sense of the word not Kaiser Chiefs) style music that I'd never heard of and will find more details about to share. I only went back as far as the early August dates and must've found 30 downloads that I adore. It's gonna be a fun month for my credit card bill if I start seeking the albums too.

Ah, here we go. Check it out here. I came across it whilst looking for a live Sonic Youth song - another affection bordering on disturbing. Well worth a look for genuine lovers of music. Nothing on a major label gets a review or much of a mention. Real music for real music fans. Seriously, check it out. I know I'll be headed back there tomorrow for more.

Haunted Antiquities

The best thing about Antiques Roadshow is not watching people pretend to be shocked when the value of their antique is revealed, nor is it watching the way they hide their disappointment when it's obviously less than their greedy little hearts had hoped. No. The best thing is watching the people in line behind the person having their antique examined. They know they're not gonna make it onto camera - the only reason they'd come really - so they make the most of their time. They over react, they act aloof and they act really really interested and yet everyone of them comes across as a nosey bugger.

I don't watch the show that much. At all, really. I caught the last ten minutes of it this evening while chowing down on my non-Sunday-Roast-pizza. It's from my short viewing that I gathered such insight. I'm so perceptive / overly cynical.

My 'excitement builds' in yesterdays blog is not simply for the new Foo's album. Oh no. Two of my new favourite bands have new albums due soon: Rogue Wave and Band of Horses. Both recent discoveries for me and both superb at their craft. Band of Horses have been blogging about their upcoming ablum for a while and always said it was going to be a spoken word album. Yawn. So when the bulleting came round about a new song being available to d/l for free I didn't get excited but checked it out anyway. Amazing. Spoken word my arse. It's called Is There A Ghost and is already topping my most played list on i-tunes and I cannot wait for the album.

In other news of great bands BrokenOrchestra had the first of what will hopefully be many three-man musical Sundays today. A lot of fun and a good start, I feel.

Still, back to the day job tomorrow. Let's all enjoy some Rogue Wave.

Rumbling in the dark

1. The excitement builds
2. It's ok to be hairy and beardy.

Ears a ringing

It's Saturday, mid afternoon. I can't hear properly. Still.

Why? Because Sonic Youth are amazing. They played the London Roundhouse last night and performed Daydream Nation in its entirity. And I stood front row infront of Thurston Moore and the speaker stacks. Possibly not the best place to stand for after effects but at the time - amazing.

Getting there, however, wasn't quite so amazing. Imagine the scene: 2 O'Clock Friday, just getting into London on the train - you know how it it, it slows to a near crawl for the last 4 stops - when Dan suddenly looks shocked, searches through his pockets and realises he's left the tickets in his car. In Ashford. So, off at London Bridge. Wait for a train that suddenly dissappears off of the departures board. Run across to another platform for a train a few minutes later only to see it come up as delayed just as the original train to Ashford arrives and promplty leaves the platform we were on moments ago. Argh! Back to Ashford, all the while trying to think of something other than murdering Dan. Then I have to sprint back to the car which is parked in the overflow Eurostar carpark - not exactly close by - as Dan is having genuine troubles with his knee. Then sprint back and get a relatively fast train that gets us into London by ten to six. Tube it across town to find Camden closed up. Oh well, as Dan said - at least we didn't blow all our money in record shops. Instead it all got saved for the merch stand and my belting new Sonic Youth shirt.

Also, the support band CarSick Cars were spot on. Check em out here, I thoroughly enjoyed their set - just as much innovation and experimentation as SY and the other glorious band BrokenOrchestra.

On the subject of BrokenOrchestra, things are going from great to fantastic. Yesterdays concert proved that we've been heading on the right route sonically (every pun intended). We've got a new song ready to record and another itching to burst out of my head into the ears of anyone who'll listen along with a rather delicate little thing I'm currently fine tuning. We're now on the look out for someone to pound the skins for us. Gotta crack on if we're gonna make it to the Roundhouse.

For those who still don't see what all the SY fuss is all about:

Take your umbrella and...

I've had enough of it, it's driving me mad. I CANNOT be the only one, surely. I don't want to stand under your umbrella, the only thing I would like to do with it is fold it up and shove it somewhere. I'm sure you can guess where. Why is it still around? Why is it on the radio everytime I eject a tape (yes I'm back to the glorious old cassette since I changed cars)? Not only is it a terrible song but it seems to have inspired mass stupidity - and I don't mean those parting with their cash to download / buy it. I'm referring to those people who actually believe that it's presence at number one is responsible for all the rain we've been having. I wish I was making it up.

One thing I can't get enough of lately is this song:



I think I've overdosed on its beat but I always go back for more. I just hope I don't get accused of ripping it off...

I've been thinking lately about adverts and how they ruin things. As a result I've decided not to eat / buy / watch / drink / fornicate with / bank with / use or associate with anything that has an advert that has me reaching for the remote to hit myself in the head with. This means the following will not be getting any of my custom until they sort themselves out a new advertising agency:
Goodfellas pizza (this is a long standing hatred)
Wilkinson Sword (did you feel anything?)
Colgate 360
Right Guard
Halifax
Rice Krispies
The kitchen roll ad with elephants.. morons
Picture - or any loan / debt agency for that matter
Elephant insurance
PC World
Daz

On the other side of the coin I do enjoy the recent "make yourself at home" MFI ads and the on-going BT campaign. I won't mention the Penelope Cruz L'oreal advert as my liking for that is biased.

Payday is almost upon us so lets try and be cheerful now. With any luck Umbrella won't be at number one and the sun may, therefore, come out.

Party hard me hearties.

Queuing with the enemy

Okay so this weekend I hoped in my shiney new car and trundled down to some place in Sussex for a wedding. I won't go into the details of the wedding as I don't think anybody really wants to read about someone elses marriage ceremony.

I will point out 2 things, the first of which I would like to say was not my fault, not my decision and not fun. Friday night, the night before the big day and at about 20 to midnight we left the flat with me thinking that we were going for a cheeky beer or maybe a strip joint for the grooms last night of singledom. Instead we end up queuing outside of the Hove WHSmiths with a bunch of children and fully grown adults in numerous stages of Harry Potter costume.

My second thought from the weekend is that I may seriously have to reconsider my idea of moving near to the cost. If I do I shall either need some seriously thick windows or to carry out some mass seagull genocide. I could not get a wink of sleep for the constant braying of these demonic feathered bastards.

I'm also a bit miffed that during my abscence it seems everybody I know went to watch the previews of the Transformers film. Without me. Oh woe is me. Still, another day off work to enjoy before returning to my desk and Mac tomorrow.

Pumpkin Re-awakening

I was going to put the new Smashing Pumpkins album down as a negative thing in my last blog's list but that would be wrong of me.

While I happily admit that what I've heard of it is a great pile of the smelly stuff it made me appreciate their former work all the more and I have spent the last few days basking in the glory of Mellon Collie.. and Siamese Dream.

Seriously, how perfect is this song:


My Pumpkins re-awakening also extended to finally seeking out the previously elusive Machina 2. I remembered hearing that it was only available on the internet and so did a little research. Turns out that it was intended as a free giveaway to people that bought Machina but the record label said no. So a limited pressing was given away with instructions to distribute freely on the internet. I got mine here for free. 3 eps and an album for nothing. Bonus. If you ask me it would have made a better release than Machina. This one actually sounds like a proper band at times rather than some over produced atrocity.

A yawn is more contagious than a smile

Well it's certainly been a while since I last dragged myself on here to post a blog. I'd like to think it's because I've been busy but no - I've just been distracted by a certain black dog.
Not a great deal has been happening, perhaps providing less motivation to blog - how do you blog about nothing. So a quick round up the last couple of weeks....

Some awesome things of note since my last blog, in no particular order:
My new car - the black rover has finally retired.
I've managed to find a relatively well priced place to stay at next weeks wedding.
A good influx of quality cds for a person on supposedly tight budget.
Transformers trailer - wet my pants exciting.
The thankfully minimal nature of my mobile phone bill this month.
The Foo Fighters at Live Earth:


Some non-awesome things of note since my last blog, in particular order:
The tight budget I'm on as a result of my own financial stupidity - some day I'll learn.
The rest of the Live Earth concert.
The Tour de France visiting Ashford - seriously if you watched this I hope you feel stupid. Not only were the road closures that split the town in half a real pain in the arse, but what a waste of time the whole thing was. I went to the outlet and had to walk from the Halfords (bastards, bastards, bastards) car park. The road was lined with people. When we were done at the outlet 2 hours later we walked back and the roads were lined with more people and still the riders had not come. So people sat in line from noon until well past half 2 to watch a group of cyclists go past at speed. From what I hear the cyclists were all in a clump anyway so it was over real quick. How exciting a day does that sound?


Now all I have to do is find and buy a suitable wedding gift before friday. Why do I always leave things to the last minute?

You Know You're Old When...

There's a lot of supposedly comical lists made along the lines of "signs you're getting old" that are full of things like "you leave a gig before the encore to avoid the rush" or "whenever you go somewhere, your first question is 'what is the parking like?'" or "your idea of festival revolves around craft stalls."

I had this morning off and ended up in town enjoying a coffee in Starbucks. We all know how nice it is out so I decided to drink it outside. Now I would've enjoyed it a lot more if it weren't for a group of kids that were sat on the bench opposite talking loudly amongst themselves, I found myself thinking "bloody kids" and "why aren't they in school?"

"Bloody kids" ???!!!
"Why aren't they in school?"??!!!

That's it; I'm turning into an old man early. It's not like they were really young kids either. When I thought about it I figured they'd have to be on study leave for exams which means they're at least 16 if not older for 'A' levels and here I am calling them "kids." Man did I feel old all of a sudden. Like Victor Meldrew sitting there bitching.

Forget enjoying a nice Sunday walking around a garden centre I think I'm ready for my slippers now. Next thing you know I'll be commenting that policemen are looking younger and younger.

It Seemed Like A Good Idea - 1.3

It did seem like a good idea, it really did. Now though, after some further adventures on a bike I'm starting to think its about as far from a good idea as you can get.

Think about it, somebody who hasn't been on a bike in... about 8 years deciding to not only ride 54 miles for charity but to make this decision whilst not even owning a bike. As I mentioned in a previous blog on this subject I have acquired a bike - though the state of it was questionable. However, after a bit of routine maintenance the bike now seems up to the job, it's a shame I don't seem to be.

Having purchased a helmet (seems there's no such thing as a hairmet) I went for my first ride a little over a week ago and found the experience less than enjoyable. I know the theory that learning how to ride a bike is one of those things you never forget how to do but I think I came pretty close. It was a slightly wobbly wide to say the least. At one point - as I was riding out towards the country and suffer hayfever - I needed to sneeze and instinctively put my hand to my mouth. Big mistake - nearly wobbled and veered my way into a hedge.

I've also discovered I'm not ready for hills at this point. On the first ride I encountered a hill (probably no more than a gently incline) and simply got off and pushed. The second time I got halfway up and the third time - well I didn't actually bother. The only way I'm managing not to collapse at the mere thought of the big ride itself is the idea that it's all downhill. Which, apparently it is. Except for 2 huge hills, one about halfway through and one right at the end.

One further discovery this weekend is that riding in the sticky heat of a midday sun is not as fun as it looks. I find myself recalling stories of London marathon runners collapsing from heat exhaustion and wonder how much water I'll be able to strap to my bike.

Not that I'm worried.

A Hasty Confession

In reference to my earlier blog about the state of cinema I would like to confess that I have come up with a synopsis for Waynes World 3. Not that it's needed or will ever happen all the while Mike Myers is happy as an ogre. If you would like to know how I feel it should go drop me a line, I'm happy to sell my idea to fund my great film noir

Why are all the heros back?

I’m sure I’m not the only one to say this and no doubt I’ll be the last but: “where has all the originality gone in film?”

For those of you that don’t know I used to work at the cinema in Ashford and took full advantage of the free films and saw an awful lot of good films. Since I left all those years ago I’ve slipped out of the practice and thought about going to the cinema over the Bank Holiday weekend and catching up, I soon changed my mind.

Looking at the ‘big’ films of the year it’s sequel heaven, the main offenders being Spiderman and Shrek’s third instalments – and confirmation that a 4th Shrek is in process and I’m sure another spidey film will arrive in 18 months. I know why it happens – a film of a certain nature gets picked up by a studio and green lighted for two. Judging by the success of the first instalment a third is green lighted and the fourth according to the performance of the sequel. Am I the only one who thinks that’s nuts?

Surely The Godfather 3 is enough of a lesson for film makers about where to draw the line? No - They’re filming a follow up to Batman Begins yet… technically isn’t Batman the follow up? Another Superman film is also in discussion. The annoying thing about Batman Begins is, for me, the idea of Christopher Nolan becoming part of a franchise when he was once such a great writer and director with Memento and Insomnia to his name.

Then there’s this. Tintin, the Belgian comic, is to be made into 3 films with Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson to direct. Not that I’m going to sit here and criticise the choice (though one will make it an epic and the other overly sentimental) more the notion of it needing to be done.

Why must directors and writers chain themselves to sequels instead of original ideas? It’s not like they’re hard to come by – I’ve written three screenplays myself including one about a narcoleptic backpacker.

I’m currently reading a book called Easy Riders and Raging Bulls about the golden age of the writer / director when Scorsese and co were just starting out and recommend it to anyone with even a passing interest in films.

I’m not saying that films of quality don’t get made anymore but they’re getting harder and harder to see – especially living in Ashford. If it’s not a sequel it’s another stupid horror / thriller film that’s identical to the last or another Will Ferrell movie. I blame Jerry Bruckheimer and Don Simpson.

If...

mankind evolved from apes, why are there still apes??

Brooke's Alphabet

I saw it again today and this time I've done a bit of digging. And I can only say "phew" as it's not just me that's puzzling over this whole "Brooke Shields Alphabet" graffiti thing.

Seems they've been popping up all over London - north and sarf - and with the variant of "Alphabet of Brooke Shields" amongst them. Where once a google shearch for the phrase resulted in nothing - much like googling for "Chuck Norris getting his arse kicked", because it ain't ever going to happen - it now returns a flurry of debates and fellow puzzled heads pondering the meaning of this nonsensical phrase.

Check out this article for further bemusement. If someone has any idea please put the misery to an end.

Baby's Got A Gun

This has got to be one of my favourite news stories of late and, surely, one of the biggest indication that American intelligence rivals that of a bowl of Frosties:

Illinois, U.S.A - apparently home to some of the strictest gun laws and the Ludwig family. Howard Ludwig decided to apply for a gun licence for his son after the son's grandfather gave him a shotgun as an heirloom. The problem, as far as common sense goes, is that Howard's son is only 10 months old. That's right, this kid isn't even a year old.

To compile the stupidity into one big mountain of sheer comical genius, the licence was approved! The only rejection was because Howard had failed to tick a box that declared his son as a US citizen, not the fact that the now licenced owner of a shotgun still needs someone to change his nappy. The licence in question bears the toothless photo of the child complete with a squiggle as signature. Genius.
Howard Ludwig has said the licence "makes an adorable addition to his baby book."

This article I read was actually written by Howard Ludwig himself in which he looks at the whole thing like it's all a great joke. Sure a 10 month old gets a gun licence. Yeah it's stupid but not in that way. It points out the pure ease with which anyone - regardless of age - can be licenced to carry a gun.

What kind of a system are the Americans running?? In a country, if not world, where the recent Virginia Tech killings are still able to provoke outrage at gun control a toddler can get licensed to own a shotgun.

To be fair he's not exactly sat on his doorstep weilding it, in fact Howard has said the gun is likely to remain at the grandfather's house until his son turns 14. That's ok then. A 14 year old with a gun. Just what we need.

Oh, and the babies name? Bubba. I kid you not. A bright looking future if ever I saw one.

It seemed like a good idea - 1.2

Here we go with a small update on the whole bike ride thing...

I have bought my bike to a rideable standard. It seems there's no puncture in the back wheel afterall. Have tightened the brakes so that they stop the bike and sorted the front wheel.

I even went for a ride for a few miles. My legs still work without a problem but the saddle... it seems to be a bit personal for a first outing if you ask me.

I shall need to get myself down to Halfords soon to get some new brake blocks, a new saddle and a helmet.

Though it's a shame I can't get a hairmet like this:

For technology's sake

A bit of a rant, but.. a couple of things have caught my mind lately when it comes to the ever-growing fascination with in car technology. I'll state this now: I'm against it.

Firstly there's this article in which one woman's sat-nav failed to inform her that, while driving at night to her boyfriend's house, she had been directed onto a railway crossing. Her car was promptly destroyed. She claims to have had no idea that she was on a railway crossing.

I have a couple of questions regarding this matter. Firstly, did she not notice a different texture to the road when she got out to open the gate? A certain... railway track type quality? Secondly, surely her car was fitted with those new age things called headlights that should have quite clearly illuminated the area around her car and revealed... again.... a certain railway track type quality?? Was this woman honestly expecting to tell her something she could've looked out the window and seen herself? Did she need it to tell her she was wearing blue jeans too? Or has it now become the case that unless the sat-nav says something is there it's not?

What happened to looking at a map before you set off or using street signs? The government spends huge amounts of our money each year on those huge things that point the way to our destinations, why not use them? Tom-Tom? how about a map? or look at the road signs?! Next it'll be "is that traffic light red, Tom-Tom?"

As a 'valued member' of the AA I was recently asked to complete a survey on in-car technology and whether I would find various bits of kit useful. I closed it down halfway through - technology to alert the car going past in the opposite direction of hazards, a computer to tell me the weather at my destination... pointless. Why do I need a Wi-fi connection in my car? If I want to check my emails I'll do it at home or work not sat in a car in a car park or have the temptation there to try and check it while lobbing down the motorway. I can almost see the Land Rover Discovery hurtling past me at 90mph, driver with one hand on the wheel and the other on his / her laptop logging onto hotmail.com with barely half their attention on the road.

If it's illegal to sit and text on a mobile while driving surely it's illegal to sit and push buttons to tell an oncoming car that there's a dead badger in the road ahead?!

Last night while I was driving home in the crepuscular light I was stuck behind a car with dvd screens set in the back of the front headrests. Sure it may keep little Britney and Keanu quiet for the trip home from Asda but it's distracting as hell for the car behind. As attentive driver as I am I kept finding my eyes drawn to the penguins on screen in the car in front - weirdly enough it was a Toyota. I only knew it was time to move forward at the traffic lights because the penguins started getting farther away.

I know it's not exactly Pimp My Ride levels of insanity - though a fully functioning fireplace in the back of a car may also prove a bit distracting - but surely potential safety infractions should be thought about as much (if not more than) as the gadgetry goodness of half these things?

I'd rather have a safe journey than know where the nearest AA approved hotel is to my current GPS position. I'd also rather the kids in the back we playing I-spy or even pulling faces at each other than think the car behind was likely to rear-end me at the next set of lights because Charlie and Lola were more enthralling than the rest of the driving environment.

Getting excited

Two words: Simpsons Movie.

Ok, when word first reached me that this was gonna be made my initial reaction went along the lines of "oh for God's sake." I admit that I wasn't too impressed nor could I see the need. I thought that Fox had just allowed them to make it to ensure another few years of 25 minute epsisodes. What plot could justify an hour and a half of the yellow guys and gals? and Moe.

To me it's seems like they've been running low on ideas lately: weak guest appearances and things that don't make sense even for a cartoon - Homer sleeping with his motorcyle before putting it through the roof.

Yet... a couple of things have made me think otherwise. While the show has been putting out episodes that make me snore there's been some quality stuff. There's also 2 outstanding animated 'feature lengthers' that were worthwhile: Family Guy's Stewie Griffin and the South Park movie.

And there's this:


I know a good trailer isn't indicitive of the film but it's made me pay attention and think there may be more to this one than a host of guest voices. I am now holding my breath and hoping for greatness.

Automatic Tills

This is just a quick one really as it's on my mind thanks to a near argument with a pushy supermarket worker yesterday evening.
I refuse to use those automatic tills. Fair enough they may well be very flash and new- age... BUT how many times have you been stood next to one when somebody has tried to put alcohol through? Or the machine's confused itself? On top of that there's a little mathematics that I don't like.. Where once 2 tills stood 4 automatic self service satanic creatures now dwell. With 1 member of staff looking over 4 tills. That's at least 1 member of staff's worth of hours cut back. Now, if these things spread out across the store that means an awful lot of reduced hours. Not that I'm championing the service I receive at.. this particular supermarket - there's a reason it's not my preffered shop - lately it's been thorougly lacking. I'm not, however, going to champion technology for the sake of it when it puts people out of work. I may well be way off the mark here but that's the joy of thise things. Correct me if I'm wrong

It Seemed Like A Good Idea - 1

Those famous words - "it seemed like a good idea at the time..." prefix so many unfortunate tales I'm hoping this really won't be one of them.
Not too long ago and for reasons I won't go into (mainly my inability to say 'no' when put on the spot) I signed up to take part in this years London to Brighton bike ride. Sounds fine, right? But then factor in the fact that I haven't ridden a bike since I passed my driving test some... 8 years plus ago. Then factor in the fact that I don't even own a bike. Now it's sounding like one of those unfortunate events.
Anywho, I managed to borrow a bike a little while ago. Although... the brakes on the back don't work, the front brakes take a small ice age to work, the front wheel feels like the bearing's loose and the saddle is... intrusively uncomfortable. And it now seems to have required a flat tire.
I am, however, determined to get this bike fixed up to a rideable standard, get a helmet to protect my head and hair and actually do this. I realise I'm cutting it fine but by putting my intent somewhere relatively concrete I'm trying to cut off my chances of backing out quietly.
I will be looking for sponsors. And some kind of physiotherapy / rubdown after the 56 miles of saddle sore riding.
More to come on the chronicles of an un-fit person preparing to compete in an endurance event or on an un-fit person making hasty excuses and backing out....

Graffiti

Not so long ago I was at a presentation by some company who bought up the impact of graffiti - not as in how bad it is environmentally but its impact on memory and how it's used as a form of advertising. The idea in the presentation was that a simple bit of well placed graffiti could be more effective than a big billboard or advert as we tend to ignore those.
The example given was when BigBrother used someone who drew the BB eye logo in the dirt on motorway signs.
There's one bit of graffiti that's been stuck in my head for about a month now and I've only seen it twice (both in the same location). I have abosulutely no idea what it means which is probably why. I was on the M20 on the way back from London and on one of the flyovers were 3 words, not too big, "Brooke Shields Alphabet." I'm baffled as to what it means - and, yes; I've googled it. Surely somebody must know?